There has been some trouble with words that hurt recently. It has made me realize that communication is a difficult thing. It always requires (at least) two people; one person speaks and one person listens. But what someone says and what another person hears is not always the same thing.

For example, two friends came to my house a few weekends ago unexpectedly, and I was very surprised and happy to see them. I asked them, “What are you doing in Wakayama?”

Their faces were not happy.

But why?

I only wanted to ask a question about why they had come to this city. Maybe they had some work to do, and they had a little time to visit me, I had thought.

They heard something a little different. They heard a criticism and thought I did not want to welcome them. For them, it was probably something like, “You should not have come to Wakayama. I don’t want you here.”

It is useless to feel that I spoke correctly and they just misunderstood. Communication is always about both sides—- what you say and what others hear. If people are hurt by what you say, even if you didn’t want to hurt them, it is important to apologize and make your original feelings clear.

Maybe that is the key to good communication with others.